Saturday, December 11, 2010

Big foot and Diabetes

Facebook status: *

controlling sugars is to trying to hit a moving target as catching bigfoot is to catching bigfoot wearing a dress while rollar skating*



I guess i'm due for a update :( Well since my last appointment with the doc, where i found out i wasn't losing any weight after exercising for a whole month, i kinda used the holidays as an excuse to let myself go :( I've been eating really bad and just doing whatever i want as well as chasing,creating, dealing with highs. I just stopped caring for a bit, kinda got into my diabetic black hole. I think another reason i've been so off is the cold weather as well as the fear of sleeping habits bringing me down. But it seems that if things aren't so bad as before with my sleep maybe it's because my a1c is down? i'm taking my medicine more frequently?

That doesn't mean it has n' been hard to find the energy though.It's like once the cold hits i get depressed and unmotivated to exercise, eat right, or check my sugar. I've also been missing my husband, sleeping bad, and having some weird money troubles.... Just kinda feeling blah this holiday season! So i gotta mix things around and try and start back on the right diabetic path! Which is going to be hard because when my husband  comes home i know all he will want to do is eat out! Which i'm okay with but i think i'm done gorging myself. It just doesn't make me feel happy to gorge myself with favorite foods sometimes, i'm just so used to doing that before when i wasn't doing anything right diabetes wise or health wise in general. But normally (before that is) i would let myself be high while now i'll take my medicine and feel not so great high and not so great if i happen to get low (hate lows).

There is always some turning point or wise words that snap you out and i guess i'm reminded of when i used to say i'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I also don't want the winter to bring me down like it did last year. So i'm going to try and find some energy to do the things i want to do, Christine Dwyer said on her facebook today " Commit to spending more time participating in life than watching it pass you by." Sucks to say this is true statement for me, i guess i get tired of diabetes controling me and then it slapped in the face by diabetes when i let it gets out of control, in otherwords let it control me in a bad way! I gotta try and let diabetes control me in a good way, but like every diabetic out there sometimes you just get tired... and winter time is not helping me. So i'm going to try and continue to strive for good sugars, maybe look at what i'm eating a little bit more, and just try and live my life and not let the winter bring me down! 

How am i going to do this you may ask, ugh well i guess some of my major goals is to 1. start the morning out with my fave shakeology drink and side of protein 2. try to commit to exercise at least every other day 3. try to write my sugars down before meals. Sometimes i wonder how i am going to accomplish everything, i just gotta remember to take a breath and start each day new or a least after having a pity party try to push myself to do the things i need to do so that i don't find myself pitying myself so much (other day i was having a bad sugars and i just wondered how the hell am i suppose to function at a job lose weight wah wah wah you get the pic, i'm not saying it's not bad to have a pity party just can't let it bring me down even more, instead i need to ask myself how to NOT get to a point where i don't feel like diabetes can hold me back). 

Once again i find that life forces me to handle the basics before it will let me take on more. Like one of my all time favorite movies What about Bob, it's baby steps! Ugh! I hate baby steps! But damn life is full of the little boring mundane tasks that make things like diabetes manageable, or even your health or commitment to exercise .So this holiday season instead of making big lofty goals try and make goals that you can accomplish. God knows i need to!

My fave facebook status i wrote:   

*you know how you just don't know why thing are the way they are like, we will never truly know what stonehedge, brumida triangle, if big foot or loch ness monster exist, etc are? i think figuring out blood sugars should go in that category*

Friday, December 3, 2010

Food Revolution starts

from http://whatsforschoollunch.blogspot.com/

Today is important day for Schools and children all over the country because the House passed the Child Nutrition Bill has been passed 264 to 157! What's all this about? Well Michelle Obama lobbied for a bill to help end hunger and stave off obesity, and since her husband is the president... it will go through no problem. the bill will set up new rules and regulations to improve the quality of school meals, that means more fruits veggies and hopefully lean meats, whole grains, and more fresh food opposed to frozen.

As of now the lunch program feeds more than 31 million children, that's our nations future we are feeding horrible high processed, high calorie, high fat food. The new nutritional guide lines and meals will apply to alot of schools that offer better meals before and during lunch but also include afterschool dinner of sorts and vending machines will see a change for the better as well.

Now your probabl wondering what the catch is? This is made possible by cutting into food stamps, only half of the $4.5 billion will come from this.BUT good things about the bill besides the upgrde in nutrition are: Kids on Medicad will be approved to get these new lunches for free and summer programs will help feed hunger when kids are out of school.

I told you the facts now i must share what i think!! whahaha

I totally support this bill! And i'm glad it passed!! If our kids or the future to America then why are we teaching them bad habits in school?? I was a kid once and i don't remember one healthy meal i ate, not one! All i can remember is that my plate was full of food, that i saw lunch ladies pull big deep pans of food out to dish to me, and i remember the good meals were when we had taco bell or burger king. There also has been since i can remember a "other line," this is where you an get your pizza,burgers,fries,crispy chicken sandwiches,chips, and ice cream at! One of my favorite meals in high school was the french fries covered in cheese, and ALOT of my friends ate this for lunch and shared it as well. I will admit i did have a salad bar at one of my schools, but  NOBODY WENT TO IT, and if i did have it i always had the baked potato covered in sour cream and bacon and there was a big pot of ranch dressing to throw on top of the lettuce (letttuce is like nothing). Now i do remember vending machines, and this is unfortunatly where alot of students get their pick me ups in the after noon be it from candy bars or sugary mountain dew drinks. I remember selling soda to students to make money for some school thing, and that place was always full of students.

Recession is here and American families are being forced to sacrifice nutrition for what ever is cheaper and keeps the family full, schools now have to take on feeding their students for all meals(new bill will offer or con. That's great because i know it has not been easy for people to feed their families, and they are forced to buy cheap products that lead to obesity and the food shelters aren't helping because they supply these non perishable foods.When i was in Ohio, DHL laid off thousands of people and the quote i remember from "60 seconds" episode showed a women talking about her family she said "You know we used to give to the food shelters all the time, but [because of lay offs] we have to go to them now" The stuff we can't afford to pay for now we pay for later by eating the cheaper alternative aka junk food, we are being fed into a future with complications like diabetes, high cholesterol, heart attack, etc.

For me i feel like this is more personal because i went to school and i ate there, and i know most of my bad habits with food probably can be attributed to that fact. I didn't start thinking about real healthy eating until i was out of high school and saw my weight increase. I know there was some classes that tried to tell us about this kind of stuff, but it really went in one ear and out the other because it was grade it it was a class to be passed. Of course after school my friends and I pigged out on ie cream, chips, mountain  dew, whatever we wanted. Maybe then we didn't have to worry about it, but nobody really taught us to invest in our selves back then, this transforms into a issue we end up stressing about in our adult life.

One of my favorite shows was Jamie Oliver Food Revolution, where this British cook decided to change a town into being healthy, he successfully did so for the school in Great Britain. Some of his challenges were coming up with proper amount nutritional food to meet the strict school guidelines and trying to make a meal out of meager money spent on a meal. Some of my favorites moments were:
1. when he went to classroom of young students and many of them couldn't name furits/veggies but they could name them in there popular form (like french fry)
2. kid ate breakfast pizza and then pizza for lunch,lots of the veggies and fruit were thrown away during lunch, all the frozen food the lunch ladies used
3. basically cooking was nonexistant verything was heated up, and when jamie read the labels most of them were long hard to pronunce words,
4. and last jamie showed how chicken nuggets were made 1. take chicken skin off of chicken 2. seperate the good parts 3. left with carcass now 4. chicken skin and carcus put into food processor 5. food is sifted so that bigger bits aren't in 6. add flavoring, processed ingredients 7. then the gunk is cookie cuttered into chicken fingers 8. add crispy breading = chicken nuggets, and the kids choose the chicken nuggets even though they knew it was bad, jamie says we have brain washed our kids to the point where they will eat it in those familiar friendly fun shapes. (watch here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S9B7im8aQjo)

all i can say after writing this blog is thank god for shakeology, because it helps give me what i need every day and it taste good and has no secret hidden anti nutritional harm in it.


Most info from the beginning of this blog came from http://mobile.nytimes.com/2010/12/03/us/politics/03child.xml this is quote from there that i liked: 

Mr. McGovern, who is co-chairman of the House Hunger Caucus, said: "Hunger and obesity are two si
des of the same coin. Highly processed, empty-calorie foods are less expensive than fresh nutritious foods."

Now the big question is how do you feel about them cutting into food stamp money? I personally don' think it's a problem since food stamps are commonly used on families with children, plus obama said he would make up for that money taken.

Monday, November 29, 2010

diabetes top ten

Top ten things I as a diabetic don't want to hear about, revised
1.If you see making choices to not eat something because i think it would be bad for me, but then i eat something horribly high carb anyway... then all i have to  say to you is that Since i'm going to cover it with medicine i pick and choose what i will at a risk i choose to take when i want, think of it as me picking my  posion if you don't mind.

2.The food i bring to snack on or eat as a meal i cover for, therefore I don't share food, period. Also do not eat a diabetic or a girls chocolate i save those for emergency and it's not cute or funny when you take it.

3. I have no problem checking my sugar or giving myself a shot in public, and if you see me lick the tiny bit of blood left over from checking then don't freak out, i always wanted to be a vampire ya know

 4. If you see me shooting up then don't make a big deal about and DON"T give me the "oh my gosh i would rather die," because it's stupid and ignorant. So i guess i  or you should just die then? You get over it i promise, especially if you want to live

5. I don't like the diabetes police and therefore will stomp out a your evil tyranny before it evens starts. You just need to trust that i'm handling it okay?

 6. I would like to apolgize in advance for mean spirited comments i may say while low, actually i take that back most likely what i said was true i just didn't have the guts to say it till i was low!

7. I will use the diabetes card on you, it sometimes it will be legit, but i'l let you in on a secret i will use the diabetes card so i won't get pressured into drinking alcohol.

8.Think of diabetes is a another job, and if you think i complain to much then you try worrying about it 24-7. I listen to your problems you can't stop for one second and listen to mine? Diabetes isn't fun and will suck forever,but at least lend a friendly ear when i'm having a bad day and don't be judgmental.

9. Learning about diabetes is great, but please don't think just because your *insert relative* did *insert diet* or had *insert awful expereince* or *insert body part amputated* as way to relate to me.. your either going to freak me out or waste your breath.

10. I CAN HAVE SUGAR. Take that away from me and I just might kill you... I'm not even joking

Friday, November 26, 2010

dreaded thanksgiving day

Happy Thanksgiving everybody i hope the food wasn't to hard on your sugars! Yes it's that time of year again where we all go to our family gatherings and stuff ourselves full of good stuff like turkey, stuffing, pie and soda ( i always notice people forget the diet for me). This week and year is a little different for me because i am not around family, but was the food temptation still there? First off food tempetation is around me 24-7! Even though i wanna play devil advocates with my sugars, i can't help but wanna have cheat days every couple of days are so!

Thanksgiving can be a huge pitfull for a diabetic. I would love to just not even worry about it and unfortuanelty this holiday becomes my cheat day no matter if i'm doing good with sugars are not. It's hard to be good anytime of the year, but holidays are especially hard when you do'n want to be left out and you just want to feel normal for once and consume lots of food.( Is it funny how spending time with friends ad family always involves food or presents?). I know i'm smarter then that, we are all smarter then that, but i don't think we should feel to bad for giving in once and a while. The real big deal is making sure we don't make a habit of it. SO as much as i would love to eat pumpkin pie every day i'm not, maybe instead i'll add pumpkin to my shakeology.

Another way not to feel so bad for is to exercise which is always important no matter what!! The other thing i have to be consicious of is not to eat till i'm past full, which i still struggle with from my fast food days (which  come and go to!) and when i would wait to eat so that i coul consume alot of food. This season if you do decide to eat outside your normal means make sure to start over tomorrow, if your diabetic make sure to keep your sugars in check as much as you can.
 
I have noticed the last couple weeks that i get this feeling where i wake up and i don't want to do anything diabetic, i even feel this more so when my sugars aren't showing good results. I even feel this more so after a doctors appointment!! I swear after a doctors appointment i just wanna eat out, and usually i do! Yes i do because i end up hungry for some reason. Well i went to the doc and nutritionnist before the big turkey day (how convenient!). The biggest problem i'm facing right now is documenting my sugars, even though i take my medicine with my meals i can't find the best ways to tweak or fix any problems because i don't write the results down (this is whati ahve to do, check my sugar before and after meals, before and after exercise, anytime i'm low or high that could average to about 11-14 sticks a day). I tell you the truth i don't want to write the sugars down at all, why would i want more stuff to worry about doing on top of all the diabetic stuff i do already (daibetes is af ull time job, exercise eating stress just plain living affects it all the time). But i found something out that i'm not to happy about :( if i don't have my sugars in the right range, especially when i exercise i won't lose weight :( I need to look up more info on this, but it kind of makes sense. Once again it's my fault for not being able to lose weight :( even though this whole month i have been exercising and drinking shakeology i'm sabotaging myself. Isn't that how it goes for everybody when there trying to lose weight, you sabotage yourself? Diabetes gets me again!! I did tell my doc this, at least you can never get bored with diabetes because things change on you all the time (seriously what i could do a month ago i can't do now, it's aggravating). Now i do have a neat device to help me out, but it kinda depressed me the week before, i have a continous glucose montior to help me watch my sugars. Think of it as the gps of my sugars, it shows me if it's going up down left or right :) I guess my next goal is this in diabetes

1) my doc wants me to make one meal a priority that i check, so i'm choosing breakfast because i want to eat oatmeal and eggs every morning.
2) try to figure out cgm software, and do more to input info on that (which means inputing what i eat and medicine i take twice now, for the two different machines my pump and the cgm fun fun).
3) decrease my basal when i exercise by 50 percent, because my sugars need to be normal when i exercise. This should be interesting, i just hope it doesn't hinder my performance or make me go to low to quickly.

I also had a long chat with my nutritionist, she wants me eating 3 meals a day that are 45 carbs each and two 15 carb snacks, in total that is 165 carbs, around 1,400 cals, to help me lose weight. I asked her to take a look at my shakeology website to tell me what she thinks of the site, we also discussed how important it is to have carbs in your diet. Another school of thought is that low carb is the way ago, i don't support that idea and the nutritionist made a interesting point you need carbs to for the energy, no carbs means no energy! With exercise i need all the energy i can get! I like my coach's idea of eating more carbs during the day and less at night, that way you burn carbs/calories when you exercise during the day. Also talked about high fructose corn syrup, i don't eat it as much as i can but my nutritionist said that there is alot of hype around it and that the high fructose corn syrup is a problem because people drink or eat high amounts of it (think coke cola), she said some is okay. I'm going to be safe rather then sorry and just not have any, i'm also going to try and cut DIET soda out because i read somewhere that it can make you hungrier plus it has bad stuff in it anyway. SO  i learned alot of stuff this weekend on the eve before turkey day! Kinda ruined it for me in both aspects, no fun watching sugars during the holidays! no fun being a healthy stickler diabetic during the holidays either! That's why i thank god for shakeology, at least i feel like i'm trying to do some good to my body with all the nutrition in it.

Well here's to a hopefully good end to this year! I know i'm having new struggles as i try to continue being healthy, it seems old habits just want to creep back! Right now my sleep is all messed up and i don't know if this is just me but if my sleep is messed up then EVERYTHING In my life falls in my diabetic black hole, all my efforts and motivation go down and bring everything else in my life down to. I'm going to try my best to fix my sleep and make exercise and diabetes a priority this month! Tomorrow is another day to start anew my friends!

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

meeting kat von d

Last week i went to Kat Von D's book signing!!! The book is titled "The Tattoo Chronicles" which is her thoughts, insights, and daily life working as tattoo artist and the people she meets. The event was held at Borders thank you borders, and it was quite full. All i know is people were saying there were like a 500 people there, and they had to double up on wrist band colors. My friend and I were group 3, which mean there were 100 people before us! We showed up early and awaited to meet the coolest person on earth!! All i can remember is that i got a hug from Kat Von D, she had a wonderful smile, beautiful make up, and she looked hello tired (she had driven from up north to race down here to make it). I got my picture taken with her and she signed my book, that's when she noticed the bag in my hand. YES i bought a gift for kat von d! i was so happy to meet her and i wanted to share with her some cool beachbody stuff!!

I ended up buying her a glittery pink virgin mary coin bank and i gave her a copy of my coveted Turbo Fire sampler Hitt 5 dvd (which i got at turbo fire release party, stay tuned for that story!). Enjoy the clips and vids i got, and go out and read her book it's quite interesting and shows a totally differnt side to this wonderful women. Not only is she insightful a hard worker, but she very sensitive and truly passionate girl who is in love with love, who isn't! Also there are tons of piccs and stories of people she has encoutered in the tattoo world. Let's just say that this side of kat is not the one you get to easily see on the tv show. I Hope she loves turbo Fire it's my fave workout and i give her some businesss cards to ><! yes i did! She seemed really thankful for the gift and excited that i gave her a workout. Hey celebs have to workout to :) My next goal? get a awesome chest piece from her :)

view video here, links to youtube,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=asdT1kJWgt4&feature=player_embedded

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Crazy Week

This week has been crazy for me!! Or should i say INSANE, because I went to SHAUN T Event in  San Diego this past weekend (hosted by the wonderful Scott Lord). I will say that morning i was not in the mood for exercise, i'm so not morning person, but i woke my butt up early and drove over and i'm glad i did because it was great seeing the room fill up with other beachbody  coaches and exercise insanity enthusiast! All my beachbody coach friends showed up and we eagerly awaited for the our special guest to arrive!! I was little nervous, but i found a great spot in the back row... THAT'S RIGHT BACK ROW, i didn't want to go up front where all the mega insanity grads were going to be and so i thought i would be safe in the back modifiying and doing waht i can...i thought i would be safe... Shaun t comes fashionably late, and whiel there setting up his mic before he enters, everybody is just staring and waiting. When i see him step into the room, still adjusting and getting ready, nobody says a word so i say "Shaun t?" and BAM he's ready and he comes straight to me and gives me a big HUG!!!! I GOT THE FIRST HUG, ME!!!!! *faint* it was such a privlege and honor to be hugged by this amazing trainer!! Right away we started to work out! Let me tell you this i don't do insanity, not yet, but i have done couple insanity workouts but this workout he did that day was lie super insanity. Most likely becuse he just finished doing ASLYUM, and he threw in some of those moves in their. I tried my best to keep up and i modifyed what i could because it's important to never stop moving! So i'm  chilling in the back doing this lunge like move when all of sudden he jumps down from stage and enters teh crowd, i think "no worries i'm in the back" and all of sudden this camera (there was a camera crew there) and shaun t appear out of no where. Shaun is yelling  "GO GO GO GO GO" and i'm like in shock i just keep moving and doing the lunges as fast as i can so i don't disappoint. I think i was part shocked, part motivated, and part mortified that i got bee lined!!! But i will say it was awesome!! i did the move with his encouragement, even if i couldn't breath after-wards. I was gald when the camera went away so i could catch my breath!!! NEVER EVER think that since your in the back your off the hook NEVER THINK THAT. The first hour workout (yes i said a hour) was great i worked really hard doing pushups of all sorts and many moves that involved using your whole body lie jumping jacks. Shaun t was nice enough to do a photo op and signging and then it was lunchtime!! After lunch we did another workout, and yes i was praying for rockin body or hip hop abs but we still got a good workout with the interesting strength moves we did. My fave move of the day was the crawl around the room. Basically we had to craw like a bear without suing our knees, it was a interesting way to meet people! At the end of the workout we ran in place and tried to go as fast as we could, shaun t had us run up to him and we were all together in a circle running as hard as we could. It was great motivation to keep on moving, after that we yelled in the camera about how much we loved Insanity! Whew! What a day what a workout! I did end up buying a shaun T tank, which i love and was surprised that the size L fit me! I also won a tshirt that says insanity and marks the day, along with all my coach friends (very lucky concidence). Shaun T did a q and a and here's some things i learned about him
1. he loves gymnastics!!
2. i asked when rockin body 2 was coming out, and he said he wishes! I guess it wasn't popular when it came out. But he loves dancing to and says who knows maybe. Let's make this happen!
3 Aslyum comes out in the end of February, it's a stand alone from insanity, it's more like endurance sports like. The ladder will come with the package
4. His main influneces for insanity was the exercises and endurance exercises they did for track in highschool
5. Shaun t once made 15 dollars a exercise class and would do it 7 days a week all  because he loved working out
6.He has his own personal trainer and goes to exercise classes!! especially dance
7. If janet jackson called to say he needed to come be a back up dancer he would drop what he was doing and go
8. shaun t eats like 30 egg whites a day ( i think he said 30 or 40 but omg!)
9. One of his fave snacks is salt and vinegar chips, he said he has reached a point where he doesn't feel guilty for eating what he wants. It's all about moderation and exercise, he doesn't beat himself up for wanting a sweat!
10. SHAUN T does NOT DO SIT UPS EVER

also he has the coolest shoes ever, there nike, yellow and black and they say DIG DEEPER on the back!!
Also i told him i think he could beat chuck norris and he said nahhhh, and i got another hug :).

Monday, November 15, 2010

Happy World Diabetes Day!

Hello everybody and happy World Diabetes Day! Why November 14? It's the birthday of Sir Frederick Banting, the co-discoverer of insulin, a very important medicine for diabetics. This month and day are all about awareness, to just know that this disease does exist even if you can't point it out easily, many don't realize they have diabetes. MSN NBC article says that the american diabetes association says daibetes "kills more Americans each year than breast cancer and AIDS combined."( http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/40130337)Some signs to look out for that i have actually experienced are increase thirst, frequent urination, unexpected weight loss, extreme faitgue and irriabitlity. (for some, like  type 2, there is no signs). There are also more then one type of diabetes: type 1, type 2, gestional diabetes, type 1.5 (LADA). You don't have to be overweight or young to get diabetes, people of all sizes and ages can get diabetes. Doctors aren't sure what causes it but our genetics play a big part as well as our sedentary lifestyles and the processed foods present in our culture.

Diabetes is aauto immune disease (think good guys kill the good guys on accident because they look like a bad guy). I am type 1 diabetic, which means my pancreas doesn't produce insulin, and get this it's just little tiny part of the pancreas that doesn't work!! When you eat food, or carbs, the digestive system breaks it down into glucose, now insulin is a hormone that helps use glucose to energy. Without the insulin to help, the glucose builds up and starts using body fat for energy and then ketones build up in the blood and urine which result in high blood sugars. This happend to me and they call it diabetic ketoacidosis (DKA), this happens when the blood sugar is high for to long and the end result could be a coma or death. Luckily for me i was able to visit the ER and get fixed up and that's when i was introduced to insulin. Without this life saving hormone i wouldn't be able to live a normal life. It's been three years since i've been diagnosed and i have learned so much about diabetes. To keep your sugars in check i constantly check my sugars and go see my doctor. I use a pump (omnipod) to help give myself insulin without using needles, and soon i'll be able to usea continuous glucose monitor (CGM, think gps for your sugars, all day  long).

You can find more blogs about my diabetes in my past blogs, everything from dealing with depression, why diabetics don't care of themselves, haikus and some humor. Now that i know about diabetes i can help others because just like me in the beginning i knew nothing about this disease.

I hope i was able to educate and show little about diabetes today, maybe one day we can have a Hug A Diabetic Day in November. Go ahead and hug one anyway!Remember diabetics don't get a day off from the disease, but it's the most manageable disease of them all. So go find the diabetic in your life and tell them how awesome they are!

Some great sites about diabetes:
http://www.diabetes.org/ is the American diabetes association website, join their Stop diabetes Campaign at http://stopdiabetes.diabetes.org/site/PageServer?pagename=SD_homepage/ and use My Health advisor to determine your risk at http://www.diabetes.org/diabetes-basics/prevention/my-health-advisor/

Need a social network to connect with other diabetics then use www.tudiabetes.com, create your own page and participate in the forum or write a blog. Diabetes Hands Foundation runs this site and other unique ventures like the fun application called Health Seeker on facebook (it helps you create goals, rewards you points, introduces information, and you can challenge your friends to healthy conquests at http://apps.facebook.com/healthseeker/?ref=ts).  This year they came out with a book of poetry written by members on tudiabetes, it follows the diagnosis and hardships as well as the good times that can follow (buy the book here http://store.diabeteshandsfoundation.org/ProductDetails.asp?ProductCode=NSAP). And last but not least their BIG BLUE TEST(http://bigbluetest.org/) which encourages everybody around the world to check their sugar and post the results, also this year everybody who watched the video Roche Diabetes Care donated money that DHF used to give to Internation Diabetes Federation and Insulin For LIfe, two organizations that give diabetic medical supplies and insulin to children in poor countries. As of today over 100,000 will be donated!

Also visit the social network www.diabeticrockstar.com, there going to have a cruise!! Here's their mission statement, which i love, "Diabetes isn't a death sentence--Life is a death sentence. Stop with the excuses: Start living, or start dying, the choice is yours."

My friend just started a social network to at http://brdiabetics.ning.com/ called Bat Rough Diabetics, it's for everybody though :) Also props to another friends site, https://1diseaseworldvoice.org/ their name is "1 Disease! World! Voice!" help them get million members!

Most important site that has helped thus far though is Partnership for Prescription, a assitance program that helps determine your elgibitly for possible free medicine for the big companies. Lilly Cares makers of Humalog and Sanofi Aventis makers of Lantus have programs as well on their websites. (http://www.lilly.com/responsibility/servingpatients/programs/ and http://www.sanofi-aventis.us/live/us/en/layout.jsp?scat=A1268951-5BF1-4287-BB19-2F0A9D64F93E) Also don't forget alot of the major companies involed with meters give away free meters, and you can always visit a diabetes educator for more help and possible free test strips (http://www.diabeteseducator.org/)

Here are some super cool diabetes blogs i frequent: www.diabetesmine.com,http://ninjabetic.squarespace.com/,http://www.bradleyandme.net/,http://www.sixuntilme.com/,http://www.diabetiville.com/

and a big thanks to the official website of world diabetes day where you can find information about why it started as well as pictures, stories, and videos about today at
http://www.worlddiabetesday.org/

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Nov 9, D-blog Day!

This month is the official month for diabetes, i'm not sure why November was picked but i do know that November 14 is World Diabetes Day, and the symbol for that is a blue circle. There will be lots of info going around, contests like stop diabetes at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ihYgLPfGTkM&feature=player_profilepage, buildings turning blue, blood sugars being tested (visit www.tudiabetes.com), and most important of all beach body and the american daibetes association are working together to stop diabetes.

Today I will be participating Diabetes-blog day!
What are 6 things you want people to know about you having diabetes?

1. Just because i have diabetes doesn't mean i can't eat sweets, just so you know i actually love sweets and i can have them, yes me! I just choose not to have them as much as i can because i know it's not good for me, buy hey wait again there not good for you either huh? I won't starve myself, but i will practice self control when i can. Which leads to number two...

2. If i mess up don't point it out, i'm only human and i'm not always going to at the top of my game. Wouldn't you agree it gets boring being perfect all the time? Sometimes that's how i feel about diabetes, i get tired of checking, i get tired of figuring out healthy edible stuff to eat, i get tired of worry about diabetes. So when i slip up i usually know it, but please keep your comment to yourself because when you slip up i never say anything.

3. If your scared of needles or you hate the thought of needles, please be a little bit more sympathetic to me at least. When you say you would rather die then have a shot, i hope your exaggerating because i know for a fact if it depend on your life you would do it, it would be hard but you would do it. Pain is part of life, but needle technology has gone a long way and they are alot thinner and smaller then you think.

4. Thank you for the diet tips but you have to realize that not all diet tips work for me, and i'm not referring to my diabetes, i'm referring to how I AM with MY diabetes and MY BODY. It's okay to give me some ideas, but don't give me the "you HAVE TO do this line.".Everybody is different, no one person is the same, so just like you i have to find what works for me.

5. Diabetes is a lot harder then you think, sometimes people don't understand why it's so hard when all you have to do is take your medicine. Well breaking news it's alot more work then taking your insulin, it's constant testing and moderating  with changes happening all the time from stress to exercise. I can't just do A + B and get result C. I wish it worked like that but every day is different and figuring out my sugars is more like the math problem in school that gave you headache, because sometimes no matter what numbers i plug in i still don't get the answer i want.

6. I don't want pity and i don't want sympathy, but you know sometimes lending a ear or hugging a diabetic can go long way. It would be nice to be able to lament my troubles to somebody without them thinking i'm going over board with one bad day. If your going to help a diabetic just listen to them and just offer them this one piece of advice, tomorrow is another day to star anew. Don't judge them and don't tell them what to do, just be a friend, sit back, relax, and don't be afraid to ask questions about diabetes.

Also help With each view until Nov-14 a child with diabetes in need gets insulin. Help us get to 100,000 view, the video is on www.tudiabetes.com

Monday, November 8, 2010

Rockin Body

Whew I am on day 5 of Rockin' Body by Shaun T! I'm kind of mixing it up but i'm trying to stick to the schedule as much as i can! I'm loving the dance movies, and i am by no way a dance person i don't go kick it at the club or anything like that... BUT i do know that dancing makes it feel like your not working out!!! And with these hip hop club moves i am definitely burning calories and sweating like crazy. I love it so much that it's now my instant mood lifter and helps get my day going. Because it works you hard you feel like your having fun instead! I am all over my living room having my own personal party :) I also like the background ont he dvd, shaun and his dancers are on a stage dancing to a live audience so it's like your on stage. I know all this dancing is great stress reliever and my sugars are always awesome if i do a workout like this! I would recommend this anybody who just wants to let loose and have fun, if you hate exercise then you have nothing to worry about because this is a great workout. The above picture is me after a rockin body workout, it may not be insanity but i was sweating like crazy!

here's link to the video for you to check out:
http://beachbodycoach.com/esuite/home/Type1Rockstar?bctid=25227680001

Sunday, November 7, 2010

diahaiku

DEAR DIABETES
PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE TODAY
I DESIRE SWEETS

to tired for meds
just want sleep,energy, and
normalness for once

thank god for small things
I mean like sweets and naps and
antidepressants

brush yo teeth

Okay today was a very good day away from home today! I got to chill with my coach and a friend, did some brazil butt lift. It has moves i think i've never done before or even considered to for my "bum bum." Brazil butt lift is taught by Leandro Carvalho, the coach to the victoria secret models!! I won't be walking on the run ways anytime soon but i know it's important to keep certain body parts in shape!! His accent will keep you going as he tells you "don't settle for less" and you find your self doing some salsa, hip swaying, booty lifting moves. It's kind of a back to the basics of exercise, like floor moves, but with some new twist. Maybe one day my booty will pass the pencil test!!!

I've been thinking alot about motivation and human desire to make choices that can be either good or bad. As a diabetic i feel like failure is always around the corner, and even though failure can be a learning experience it's not a great one to feel physically in your numbers. That's why it's so important to start each day is new, but hey even that's hard for you normals out there.

I feel i don't have much of choice on what i eat because of my diabetes, but wait a second that's not true.... because couple months ago i was making the bad decisions, eating unhealthy, and consciouly making that decision to do so! I made a decision/choice to change and now that thinking that i don't have a choice because of my diabetes is more like " i choose not to eat this or that because i know i have diabetes and i want to live longer/feel good today"

Granted diabetes isn't like something you can just fix in a day, and nothing in life is like that. It's really easy not to do what your suppose to do with diabetes or your heatlh because nothing happens... right away. Complications never bothered me because i got to eat burger king and make my stomache happy in a second without much thought! Diabetes is full of baby steps, so many i hate them really. I mean it used to be a chore, and can still be one, to just even check my sugar. You have no idea how much i would love to just run free all day exercising like a manic, eating pizza, staying up late, not sleeping, to sleeping all day long! But i can't and won't because i have to be in the best shape sugar wise to just to do something as simple as exercise for a half hour.

These baby steps are the same ones everybody has to do just to start a new goal in life, and making them stick like glue or stick like your daily routine of brushing your teeth can be just as exciting as putting on your clothes in the morning. But i'm proof that even the simple stupid testing of the sugars and taking my insulin, made dramatic changes in my apperance, my attitude, and my passion for life.

I like to compare it to a big gaping black hole, when your sugars aren't good for years like mine was (seriously think rollar coaster with lots of steep hills and terrifying plunges) then it's really hard to find self worth or even a reason to get up everyday. It was to the point where feeling tired, depressed, just down right horrible was NORMAL for me. Nobody should find struggle NORMAL, nobody should find depression and self hate NORMAL, nobody should find themself with a1cs of 12 and 13. You konw what's so shocking about this all, is that i knew this wasn't normal but i did it anyway... because it became easier not to do, yes it was easier to just let myself shrink away becuse i didn't care anymore so why fight why resist al lthe delicious food that could make my sugars sky rocket , why care if they burned my insides up.

Now i didn't feel like this all the time, but this where the hole analogy is so important, because even though i might have been smart enough to now better or even have had a good week or two of sugars the black hole kept sucking me down. One important reason that hole kept on sucking me down is becuse i didn't see resulrts like i wanted. Everybody wants results NOW, we want money NOW, we want to lose weight now! Well believe me when i say i wanted good sugars NOW NOW NOW.

That is the other reason i never tried to keep good blood sugars for very long, because how it felt trying to be normal actually didn't feel to great. My body went into battle mode trying to fight me on normalizing my blood sugars and it felt awful just to be in normal "blood sugars." I would feel so awful it felt like i was doing something worse when i tried to get normal blood sugars, Its like my body hated what i was doing to it! Why would something so good feel so bad? Because my body didn't like changes i was making, i was redefining normal and my body was just begging for the easy way out again.(easy to do was putting myself into this mess to begin with, easy not to do was never taking care of myself) But i had to reteach my body, and it took a couple weeks, some times i had good days and some yes were bad. I did alot of mundane boring stuff, that now is routine for me, checking my sugar and taking my medicine is normal now. Sometimes i do want to resist and sometimes i will resisit, but i find myself still being drawn to checking and taking insulin. Which is such a big leap from where i was before, far away from the big black hole.

They say that a diabetic can do anything (as good as you norms out there), but what they don't tell you is that diabetic can't do jack shit if their sugars are messed up. You might be wondering where did i get the motivation to do this? I'm sorry but sometimes "future" life with complications is just not enough, kind a goes back to that "NOW" mentality. I guess i got tired of being sick of tired. This is a path i have desperately tried to go down many times, but just felt like i could not do it i guess (stupid black hole) also part of me kind liked the easy way of life where i could PRETEND to act normal. I was always conscious that what i was doing was horrible i just couldn't bring myself to care. Think i just felt like it was time to DO IT, i got sick of my excuses and sick of not using the free tools around me, i had things i wanted to do but felt like i couldn't do. But if you must know the real reason it was two things

1. I got a job, and i thought i could wing it being my bad diabetic self, i also thought i could fix myself while working (some reason i think a schedule will cure all my problems, well it doesn't). I felt awful at work, i drank water like you wouldn't believe, i forgot the most simplist stuff, i had trouble concentrating on what they asked me to do, i constantly doubted my abilities and  said sorry more times then i can remember, also food didn't help my diet. Everything about what sucked before, now sucked at work,what sucked at work came home with me made things worse, then the same thing the next day and the next. I felt like i had less time to be diabetc, and you konw what i did b3cause all my energy went into getting though work everyday equaling wasted energy and even MORE lack of energy to do much else. I hated working and i felt so bad because i did want to do a good job i did want to make money! So i decided to quit.

2. Another reason i got motivated was because my doc said she could take my license away.... and no way in hell was that going to happen, that's how i get around!!! So all in all i decided, well if i want to work i need good blood sugar, if i want to drive i need good blood sugar, Dman't i just need to do it. ANd i guess i did...by changing my attitude/behavior/approach towards my blood sugars i  was able to start living the life i was meant to live.

I am still a work in process, and i have to make sure i don't fall into the black amiss of the diabetes hole with worry or negativity.

My sugars dictate my life, but it's only because i'm still noob i'm still trying to figure out what makes me go high and what makes me go low. Diabetes is along road of learning and then relearning, what you ask? oh gosh let's not even get into that. Let's just say everyday is never the same, and sometimes i can have a bad sugar day even when i do everything right. Everyday is truly starting over and i don't mean cleaning the slate i mean starting over by letting go of yesterday not worrying about the future and just staying focus on the present. And God please forgive me because i hate baby steps and i love easy way outs, but i have alot of little steps to do, and alot of hardships to stumble through but you don't get to the top of the success ladder by sitting on the coach. :D:D

Just so you know i do think being a beachbody couch is keeping me accountable, because there is one thing i've always wanted to do and that is work out. But there are alot of myths about insulin and diabetics trying to lose weight. I still have to battle with exercise and how TOO WELL it works on my sugars but since my mood has improved i have taken the desire to exercise more seriously and now do it everyday. And with beachbody products i can't get enough of their fitness dvds, and i'm loving working out with my new friends and meeting new people to work out with, and i hope to share the products with other people so they can find it in themselves to be the best that they can be.(and then realize it was in them to do it along, they just needed pointed in the right direction). Also learning the business side has be quite interesting, i'm becoming more adventurous in talking to people about it and comes so naturally because the products are so relatable and usable!

Don't worry i haven't been brain washed (they don't call it crackology for nothin), i just think we all want to be healthy so when something works we need to pass along the good beachbody word. (lol). Remember to human is error, so nobodys perfect, i'm stil me just a more healthier fitness wanna be eat right version now with bad ass tattoos to match the attitude.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

fit club wednesday


FIT CLUB INFO HERE: http://www.meetup.com/Try-It-Fit-Club/
[tuesday and wednesdays at 6 pm at Rancho Bernardo, and Wednesday at 6:30 pm in Oceanside, must sign up on meetup.com]
I have been so busy busy this week, i have YET to look at my notes from the game plan event in bakersfield (from this weekend). I have definetly been slacking, but it's all for reason (not a excuse). Kind of been stressed last couple days, also had to clean the house for a inspection (which they never came), so i think i partied myself out from this weekend. Also i have been trying to work out alot, and it just makes me tired to work out i feel like i need more sleep then usual especially after tough workout!!

Sugar wise i am doing okay, not writing the sugars done but at least i'm taking my medicine, but today my omnipod decided not to work so i've been high all days (yes kiddies HIGH. (like 300), also found out i ran out of insulin after pod oculison-ed on me (stopped working basically). I'm on levemir now, diabetes is comparable to throwing a dart in the dark, you never know what number you will get or what kind of day you will have. Friday i'll start pumping again (thanks to arlene for helping me from sticky adhesive at cvs!! It is very stick indeed). Must admit it's nice to take a break from the omni pod pump, i don't have to worry about where i put it for exercise, but then i feel like i'm driving blind because i'm not used to mdi (multiple daily injections).

Eating!! Well i have been being a good girl i think, eating turkey sandwichs throwing whatever greens i can on it, blueberry oatmeal(only oatmeal i will now even dare try to eat), almond milk, salad, anything healthy i try to find my way to it. Now i have been drinking Shakeology Chocoalte the last couple days and i'm really starting to get used to the taste. I'm okay drinking it if all i add is water, but i will say it's best when you do mix it up with ice and a banana. I AM having trouble filling full, and most likely that's just me, so i'm going to try and introduce some protein. (i have been having trouble eating breakfast in the morning for a while now, before shaekology, i have trouble feeling full even though my stomach is full, it's like my brain needs something more like more protein i guess...). I will say that i think shakeology is helping with my cravings, i mean i think it's really combo of it all :exercise, eating right, keeping good sugars.... I mean i won't lie i would love curly fries or nice big juicy greasy burger, but i have to "pick my Posion" when it comes to my sugars, don't want to waste insulin on something that isn't going to benefit my body or have mucho carbs fat slow me down for a workout. I will admit i bought some twix bars :), but i'm actually really good about not eating them all at once (once again it goes back to the sugars, eating the whole bag will make me feel physically awful and have me shoting up more insulin later). I am going to keep on drinking shakeology, it taste awesome, and it definitely gives me a boost, can't wait to see where i am after a month of drinking it :).

Workouts of the week: monday turbo kick (which kicked my butt), tuesday Insanity (which was insane) and then today revabs(which i did well at, must be all that insanity :).

I know you guys don't know to much about me, but month ago i was running high all the time, staying up late till 4 am to 8 am in the morning (or sometimes just staying up period), and sleeping over 12 hours a day. I know diabetes depressed me and put me in dark super-massive black hole, but i found my way out and the good sugars keep me going every day. But i must also say thanks to Beachbody for giving me some great new friends and workout buddies, for giving me a little purpose, and for helping me be accountable for my fitness. I now go to sleep at 1 o clock now, still working on the waking up early part (no a morning person), i check my sugars and take my medicine. It's big change from where i have been the last couple of years, so thanks beachbody, thanks shakeology and coach Arlene!! Things may not be perfect in my life, but at least i'm laying down the foundation for a better healthier, complication free me.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Happy Halloween!!

As much as i wish i could hand out some samples, maybe this will have to do instead :) who's interested in some shakeology?? www.shakeology.com/type1rockstar

game plan event:bakersfield

Hello fellow peeps out there! This weekend i go to go to a Beachbody Game Plan Event hosted by Larry Zimberg, and let me say i learned so much i think my head will explode!!( Larry did show a head exploding several times....hey it's halloween weekend).
   First night was interesting because i had a off day, my sugars were fine but i felt horrible. I did have my shakeology that morning, and i think i might have put to much! (was to lazy to dig for the little measuring cup) it could be that and the fact that i didn't eat anything for a while after that... I attended a brief intro to beachbody, about how awesome it is :) and afterwards got shakeology to taste!
  I really liked their chocolate peanut butter mix, but the green berry mixed with orange wasn't my fave (try a banana instead!). I am learning that the chocolate and greenberry, though filled with amazing ingredients, can uniquely stand out on their own in taste, flavor, and what you add to it lol.
  FINALLY we got to work out to some Insanity and Turbo fire, get this folks, we exercised for about hour...i was right up front (because i am ham) and tried my best with insanity, i really shined at turbo fire! By that time more then half of the room left, come on turbo fire isn't that hard! (i've been doing turbojam, turbo kick for the last couple years, i'm kind of used to it's groove).
  Afterwards i got to eat with some coaches at a local diner, where one of them brought us recovery formula orangeiscle!! So good, not so good for my sugars, because even though it helps you feel so much better after a workout it does have alot of sugars. Beachbody will be releasing new formula with less sugar, which i can't wait to have in my arsenal. (by the way shaekology only has 17 carbs in it).
  After that i went to the hotel and crashed.. the next day i woke up at about 7:30 am and the rest of the day i spent learning everything about beachbody and what it has to offer people,how to go about introducing the products, and how to have fun doing it. (don't reinvent the wheel!). I met some great coaches and received book and audio cd to help with business (self motivations and stuff, personal growth), so here's to using it! I know it's only been two days, but it feels like i was gone for a week! I will post some highlights of my notes after i go through them!

Facebook status: Did you know it cost 2,000 dollars to buy a hot dog cart!? With every business you have to start somewhere, that's why i like beachbody i use the products (turbo jam p90x Insanity Shakeology) and gain so much just from that, why not get paid to get fit and share the word? Ask me about being a coach :) let's work out together!

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

new blog!

BRAND NEW BLOG ALERT, this blog will contain the following
  • funny happenings of a type 1 diabetic exercising
  • the strength and determination to exercise and get up out of bed to do so
  • my use of special products involving diabetes or beach body
  • use tools of beachbody to show my transforamtion from overweight to SHABAM slamming body

  • my diabetic rantings as well as general rants, and or poetry)especially haikus about diabetes),news, tips, and other types of randomness to keep me busy
this blog will also include my likes for domo,hellokitty,mychihuahuas,chalenejohnson,harrypotter,marinecorp,myhusband,funnyplacesteststripsendup
malloutings,okinawa,militarylife,obbessionwithfoodandortelevisonshows, but most of all this will be a place to promote my beachbody website and help you find the right products to get in shape :). Also i will attempt to blog and see if i like that or not... toodles.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

high sugars don't win the race

Dear Diabetes,
I would like to tell you on behalf of everybody that you SUCK
Maybe i'm just feeling a really good normal number, finally at last, but i realize you suck and that you've had a hold on me for far to long now. Don't get me wrong i still don't know how i am going to function from day to day but i'm kissing good bye high blood sugars! My doc told me that you have been fogging my mind for far to long now, and i just realized i'm no different then a addict who needs their fix. In my case the fix is food, and i see now how all that food has clouded my judgment to make good choices. You know we compare diabetes to a lot of things, like a roller coaster, like driving a car, but i would like to compare it to a BLACK HOLE. Once you fall into that bottomless pit it is almost impossible to get out! Out of control diabetes stupid black hole sucks everything out of you, your strength, confidence, and your true being. Here i've been trying to make everything work at once without realizing that everything, while having bad blood sugars, slips me deeper into the blackness. I thought everything would fall into place when i started working, you know having a schedule but no it made things worse. I couldn't even properly work that's how bad it was, i had to quit and take a time out for me. My friend put it best this way "you don't run a race with a broken leg do you." And she is right there is no way i can do anything if i don't have this taken care of, i've been sick and tired of being sick and tired but i didn't know diabetes could affect my work ethic to!! I can't stand for that, i gotta know i can take care of myself in case of a crisis (money wise, or whatever). Also it doesn't help that my doc told me that she could report me and get my license taken away....yeah i kind of need my car! It's my life line!! So am i completely 100 percent turned around good diabetic now? no.... But i'm starting to make habit of everything.... and i hoping that by having good blood sugars my brain can finally adapt to a pattern of blood sugar checking, which could lead to watching what i eat and how much i exercise. Maybe one day i'll have good sugars all day with no lows or highs and maybe even let myself have a burger or something sweet without over eating or suffering from high blood sugars (moderation that is). I don't know!! Diabetic future is looking a little bit brighter, now if only i could fix my insomnia!
happy readings!
domo

Sunday, September 26, 2010

cure all

why
why are you hurting your self
why aren't you taking care of your self
why is it that you don't do what your supposed to
Instead i want to ask them
what
what makes you think i care
what gave you the impression that i want to live
what makes life worth it all
in astonishment they stare
mind not wrapping around my pain
the eyes ask why
while their jaw line tightens to a frown
i fight back tears and try to look away
but like eyes in a painting
they follow me
staring back at me
i see myself instead
and i stare back in awe

without self love then
nothing is right in the world
could be the cure all?

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

stem cell poetry

We are all born into the light to fight for our place in this world
darwin's theory seems to be right
but this is a new day age
where genetics no longer determines life
where the people have a chance to live
longer and better lives
why let the body waste this precious gift
isn;t it our moral duty to help the helpless?
endless possibilities await inside us all
let the stem cells fulfill their destiny
let us help others the best we can
it's our duty to man kind to fight
to survive as one through it all
why let us struggle and live half a life
when we could be whole again?
survival of fittest is old age thinking
together in the light of knowledge and science we can thrive
stem cells allowing us to fight for our place in the light,
old theories become buried as life reawakens

http://www.cirm.ca.gov/StemCellAwarenessDay2010

Thursday, August 19, 2010

diabetes timeline

March 26 07- my birthday! I turn 21, but the only drink i can consume is water and mountain dew
June 07- went to urgent care and they checked my sugar, 500, gave me a shot of lantus and sent me home with a prescription for pills, next day i can barely walk around walmart (i love shopping) while i wait for my prescription. Later that day i fall in and out of "sleep" even though i slept already and had inactive day, i get taken the ER they say i almost went into DKA, i stay in the hospital a few days and learn little bit from diabetes educator
Fall 07 - diabetes educator tells me she can't give me anymore free insulin, i feel like my life line is taken way. I then discover https://www.pparx.org/Intro.php and life becomes a bit easier
winter 08- visit er couple times for high blood sugar, one women made a mean comment to me about going to er for that, basically she wondered why i bothered (in other words why get myself like this, but she was lot meaner about it). I felt even more helpless and confused.
Spring 08 - i star working 3rd shift and some how my sleep and eating get majorly messed up because i tried to keep up with my friends. I think my a1c was 8 around this time. I then meet my soon to be husband, consume all his chicken nuggets because i was low. Unfortunately i continue the habit of self medication
Spring 09- husband leaves for boot camp, my depression begins, usually stop taking medicine and lose weight. The couple times i tried to keep a good blood sugar log fell on deaf ears because it wasn't enough. One doc wanted to get me off humalog all together... crazy women
Presently-things aren't great my a1c is 11, my motivation is blah, and feel like i'm starting all over again. My sleep still sucks and it interferes with everything.

Monday, July 26, 2010

diabetes tattoo poem

My diabetes tattoo
is really not between you or me
its etched on my skin
i know because i felt every little sting
very similar to another thing i know
little pricking needles
pain like a cat scratch
so they say
but i am no medal holding winner
so why did i even bother stamping myself

well...
yes i want the world to know
That when i show up to a place, all quiet and shy
you will see the tag and know automatically what to do
Please i prefer gummie bears to glucose tablets

well..

Why would i be embarrassed about being diabetic anyway?
Yes i may hate it, but don't you dare say anything mean to it
Diabetes is a lot like me, out of control, fickle, moody and funny
Sometimes its like a angst teen
it hates the world, all people in it, and itself
has no problem with destruction, while it wills a bliss full state.
Branded by this life, goth decor and lonely poetry
My outside reflects my inside now in bright black lines

well...
Do i want sympathy? Only for a second
Roll your eyes if you must, this is my deal not yours
My body, my rules, don't roll your eyes at me
My Dead pancreas expresses its sorrow through my ink
The tiny vibrating tattoo machine draws my strength
i don't need your bleeding heart, i'm just fine
well...

It's to late now, what's done is done
I'm not a winner, I'm not a whiner, nor do i brag
My ink shows a side of myself that i like to consider
both morbid, comical, and freeing.
Free to laugh, free to connect over spilled blood,
and free to fight for normal life

well...
I went through the pain, scabbed up and flaked
What cure? i say, insulin is the game, can't you see it in my skin?
It's like i told the tattoo guy when i asked him to draw a sweet in the design...
"would you seriously deny me cupcakes"
he shakes his head at me, but smiles anyway
kudos to me for the best tattoo idea of the day

(no i won't be showing my tattoo, for personal reasons)

Sunday, July 25, 2010

glass half empty

D is for denial or diabetes

E echos of sadness

P paralyzed in fear

R road blocks

E enveloping dispair

S sleep and lots of it

S sudden loss of energy

I irritability

O over eating

S such is life, aka glass is half empty mentality.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

friends observation

I love the show FRIENDS, i especially like this episode when Ross loses his temper due to all the stress, to the point where the only good thing happening in his life is this delicious thanksgiving turkey gravey moist sandwich. One day he goes to work and somebody eats his sandwich but he doesn't know who, so the next time he brings his lunch he notices it's missing again!! And when he finds out who he loses it!

I guess i can relate because sometimes its the small things in your life, be it a sandwich, that can help make the day see a little bit brighter. For me that could be immersing my self in a good tv show, relaxing on the couch, or even eating this delicious tres leches cake that just makes me feel at home (thats why i'm trying to find a healthier recipe).

check out the clip on youtube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XOg641CGkyY&feature=related

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

struggle

the only thing i want people to realize is hard or a struggle is that i some how have to find a way to start and complete three goals at once, exercise, taking insulin, and eating right. Sometimes exercise and what i eat changes the insulin, which in turn can make me go high or low. Sometimes i don't have the energy to exercise because of the insulin or because i didn't get my carbs right, sometimes i can't eat right because i don't have money or the patience to try new foods or even cook, which in turn affects my sugar and energy to exercise. It's like the snake eating itself sometimes, finding balance is hard so don't blame me for wanting to eat something out of the ordinary, exercise while high, or even ignore checking my sugars when all i want is a day without having to do so much upkeep on myself. Part of me just wants a life outside of being diabetic, and even though ignorance is bliss, you have to admit rome wasn't built in a day. (can't forget depression, sometimes depression makes me want to nothing at all but hide underneath the covers, it's actually kinda hard to snap yourself out of that kind of mood sometimes)

Sunday, July 4, 2010

domo going on new place

1. I moved to a new state, near the ocean. I have yet to hang out at the ocean, i think i just like to live near the ocean...not necessarily be in it. Plus i hate swimsuits, fluffy people shouldn't wear bikinis i think.

2. Things i dream about: being back in highschool, failing all my classes but not caring, and my brakes not working. I personally don't care for dreams, i just like the sleep portion of it all. Best dream i can remember is helping buffy the vampire slayer scoobies or when i went on a shopping spree and had toooonnss of money but alas woke up to nada.

3. New place, should warrant a new me right? Nah, i think my husband was right, every place is the same. Not really a bad thing, but the loner i have become just doesn't shake with age, despite my openness to meeting new people. And like i told my friends before i moved, "i'm still going to have diabetes where i move aren't I" (reference to all the hope and energy i put in to moving, don't get me wrong i like it here i'm just adjusting slowly and even more so alone then i have been in years, with no family or friends present, and my husband deploying ain't so great either)

4. Home may be where the heart is, in that case a little piece of it is in okinawa and now even ohio. But most of all home is really home wherever and whenever my husband is.

5. I don't understand why my apartment doesn't have a air conditioner, how else can i watch my fave shows in luxury coolness? I happen to love Prison Break, Lost, Law Order SVU, friends, how i met your mother, fear itself, veronica mars,and BTVS and ANGEL

6. My two teacup chihuahuas are little terrors, they are the only terrors i plan on having in my life. They are so cute though, especially when they greet me at the door or when they try to use their little legs to jump on the tall couch.

7. Eating- i am not eating good food right now, it seems whenever my hubby is around i can't help but eat fast food. We have tried cooking on our foreman grill (which is a big leap, from not cooking meat at all). I went on a garlic bread kick for a while, i love it so much. Basically i'm trying to just remember to take my medicine with the food i eat, yes i know you can gain weight, but it's better than not taking my medicine at all right?

8. Exercise- i love turbokick, turbojam, i WANT turbo fire. I did a turbo kick class last weekend, i worked out so hard (did two turbos in a row e.g. two two minutes of high intensity after working out for half hour), but then i ended up sleeping the whole weekend and being so sore that i ached when i reached out for stuff.

9. Medicine - i'm notrious for self medicating myself with insulin. People ask why would stop taking your medicine, well my depression is creeping back in (new place, new worries, new bills!!) and really diabetes is the last thing i want to worry about. For example this week we calculated our bills all wrong and have zero money for food or gas (thanks to mom for helping out till next pay day). I'm surprised my anxiety didn't kick in (i must be doing better since taking antidepressants, and having my hubby around, and taking some insulin because i remember one time i got a 500 dollar er bill and cried for an hour). Anyway, bad diabetes usually leads to bad infections and not so nice stuff. As much as i hate restarting my diabetes regimen, because i tend to oversleep which depresses me more and leads to overeating plus going from high sugars to even 200 makes me tired as heck, it did stop some of the infections and i'm trying my best to fix my sleep.

10. I don't want to work, but i'm going to have to start, i need something to keep me on schedule. I wish i could work at legoland and just build lego structures all day. Which reminds me, i really want to buy lego harry potter...

Little about me for the noobs: type 1 for three years now (happy diabetes anniversary to me, that strawberry cheesecake was delicious), i am currently using the omni pod which i do love but i hate to sleep on. I not your typical diabetic, heck i was making jokes about having one foot in the grave months after diagnoses (as waitress, i they always got a kick out of that i guess), I believe i am the kind of person that makes great first impressions but then when you get to know me i tend to make horrible second impressions. I am in no way shape or form the perfect diabetic, my gravestone will say "died from sugar." I tell people when i'm low please give me a mountain dew, ha! though i cannot condone eating so unhealthy (it's like i ever went to the store bought every reese peanut butter candy bar and sent them to my husband, ha i do support candy for troops), i do think having a treat once in while, or planning for sweets, or finding new alternatives to sweets (remainder to get recipes from gerri :). I judge not, and i prefer the term fluffy (points if you can guess what comedian that is). If you need a shoulder to cry on please add me as a friend, we can talk it over with some sugar free jello.

Friday, June 25, 2010

blah blah blah

I think some people confuse whine with struggle, or loneliness, or cry for help...

My aunt told me that complained to much about diabetes, once she said that I didn't say a word, which meant alot of the times when i was around here i never let her know how i was really doing.It hurt my feelings that she said that, when i thought she was the one person i could talk to.

I don't blame people for whining, i don't blame people for bolusing for super high carb meals, or skipping insulin, or pretending for one day that what you do doesn't affect your health, i don't blame them for being scared of eating candy or going out to eat or talking to other people about diabetes. I don't blame people for not caring. the reason i don't blame them is because we all go through the denial, guilt, anger that is associated with this disease. The thing they don't tell you is you never truly over come all those emotions, because once you got the handle on one thing life will throw you another curve ball.


I would like to thank Tudiabetes, for being a place for diabetics to speak out , and a place where you never feel alone in the disease. Because if it wasn't for this place, i would probably be in my own deep dark hole, letting the loneliness get to me. This site has made me laugh, sigh, cry, appreciate, educated, and has let me become more aware of my diabetic surroundings (from new gadgets, techniques, and good friends with great advice).

So forgive me if i whine,gripe, grouse,
grumble,
moan, plaintive
cry,
sob, wail,
bellyache,
carp,
drone, fuss, gripe,
grouse,
grumble,
howl, kick, mewl,
moan,
murmur,
pule,
repine,
snivel,
sob,
wail,
whimper,
yowl,

accuse,
ascribe,
attack,
beef,
bellyache,
bemoan,
bewail,
bit**, carp,
cavil,
charge,
contravene, criticize, defy, demur, denounce, deplore,
deprecate, differ,
disagree, disapprove, dissent,
expostulate,
find
fault,
fret, fuss,
gainsay,
grieve,
gripe,
groan, grouse,
growl, grumble,
impute,
indict,
kick
up
a
fuss,
lament,
lay, look
askance,
make
a
fuss,
moan,
nag, object,
oppose,
protest,
refute,
remonstrate,
repine,
reproach, snivel,
sound
off,
take
exception
to,
wail,
whimper,
yammer about diabetes.

No one said you had to listen :D, but to those that do i promise to hear you out to.
We are not in this fight alone, i think tudiabetes is a safe haven for us all.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

domo podder


I started the pump... so far really really cool.
Top ten "what the heck is that" answers when people see the omni pod
1. super new nicotine patch for hard core addicts
2.attached to you mp3 player haha ipod
3.calorie counter or step counter
4.(with sticker on) new tattoo
5. new style of piercing lol
6.white "bump" or overgrowth
7.(pdm) new cell or personal pc
8.(clicking noise) what else, a bomb
9.dog chew toy (the puggle chewed on it through my shirt!)
10. the solution to diabetes or what my trainer said "what she had been waiting for after ten years of doing mdi"

Thursday, April 15, 2010

why you should spring clean

I'm making up ten reasons that most will think of :)
1. Have a yard sale!!! (me? to lazy)
2. Donate to good will (me? i will be doing this)
3. Get rid of junk and stuff you don't use anymore in other words if it hiding underneath your bed, you haven't seen it for years/months, get rid of it (me? so far so good)
4.Make room for new stuff!! If you get rid of stuff the next time you want to impulse buy, then you can you have room(me? how i make myself feel better)
5. Less Junk makes you feel like you have more room (me? i can see my floor!)
6. Take stuff to consignment shop/thrift store for mola (me? might check it out)
7. Open windows up and let the sun shine where it hasn't been for a while (me? plan on it)
8. You probably need a new toothbrush and as well as cleaning supplies, so stock up (me? check)
9.Condense stuff when you get rid of stuff, like get rid of dvd boxes and put them in a case (me?check)
10. THE BEST REASON TO SPRING CLEAN, you may find MONEY!!!!!! I found 20 bucks from my grandma from god knows how long ago!! I just got 20 richer :D, i'm going out tonite! LOL

Friday, March 26, 2010

Happy Domo Day to All

WHY have a happy domo day??? Because today is my birthday!!! YYAYAYAYY and NAYYYY
Even though it's my birthday, i actually don't normally celebrate it...unless telling everybody it's my birthday counts..... :D:D:D:D:D I never expect anything and does make me think oh no...another year gone by what do i have to show... Well if there is one thing i will be happy about it will hopefully be that i will be pumping soon. I'm wearing the omnipod demo pod right now!!! I went to a seminar a day ago. I Learned alot stuff i already knew, thanks to omnipod user group, and here's what i can remember off the top of my head that i like
1. TUBELESS, no brainer right there
2. SMALL, getting smaller
3. INNOVATIVE, neato all in meter/pda (now if only it could play mp3s...)
4. CONTROL, i can finally stop being afraid of exercise!
oh yeah and lot stuff about atheletes and such being able to use it, i saw the video!
Things i might not like.... meter/pda is kinda bulky... i keep on knocking into things... i am not going to like this on my stomache at all...getting used to pump talk :P
but overall what's most important is that it's covered by my insurance, a women in there with her fam asked why the seminar isn't full well DUH not everybody can get this covered or knows about it. I guess Ohio is one of the last few.... plus it looks like a mutant egg hatched on my skin and is claiming my body to breed on... anybody ever watch Buffy the vampire slayer? This is why i would never will watch a egg in school (i'd hard boil it anyway) (anybody get this reference and can name the episode will be considered totally awesome in my book)
Of course you know they have to be paying Jonas brother underneath the table...
BUT i still have to wait for my docs approval... yikes. So hopefully they call me tomorrow when they see that omnipod faxed them the papers... maybe it's wishful thinking but i hope he just signs it (we briefly talked about it in the past couple times).
I wish everybody lots of forbidden cakes and cookies on my birthday, though i will not be splurging to much (trying to keep my a1c slim)... I would kill for a coke zero. :D

Monday, March 22, 2010

detox isn't the right word

Well I saw my doc today, he removed the tini tiny stitch from my tini tiny pinkie toe. My poor toe is fine thank you, i never even cashed in the vacatin (ha drug joke there). As i was sitting there my doc did his weird "check up," you know where they make you touch your fingers to your thumbs or press on your stomach or make you say ah! He asked me the usual questions: do yousmokedrinktroublebreathingasthmablurryvisionheartdisease in family yada yada yada. I said no.. well my vision has been blurry... My sister with glasses can see farther away then me...
Then the doc told me my A1C.... i already knew it was bad~ he dropped the number 12, i look up smile and say "wow i went up a whole point." In this world having more is a good thing, but when it comes to A1C nobody throws you party unless your under 7. (what's seven like again, god i don't remember). Now the doc put me on antidepressants, there working wonderful , but i wonder where my high sugar related bad mood begins and my normal bad mood ends. So i'm feeling pretty good, maybe not my full self, but that part will never come back because my pancreas decided to retire early in life.
When i walk into the office i told my doc "i think i'm ready for the jump" he did a double take and asked me what i meant. I meant the diabetic jump, or as drug addict would put it "jump to sobriety." Ex. my sobriety is to get back on drugs (well hormone). Does nobody know my diabetic humor by now? I guess telling everybody i got my toe chopped off wasn't funny then...well it was funny to me (don't worry i told them straight away my toe was fine).
Before i left i explained to my doc that i was hesitate on starting mainly because you feel crappy (insert other word) at normal for a while. Then he tells me to start out slowly and work my way up.... DOH! Why didn't i think of that all on my own??? As bad as i have been this whole time, my real trouble was not accepcting diabetes it was getting a jump start on it without feeling like a zombie (but alas i do love zombies). So i'm trying a low dosage of humalog until i work my way back to feeling okay at the normal range of blood sugarsl. But i can't escape the feeling of losing my mind as i sit at 172...I feel like i'm detoxing from a drug, finding my state of normalancy or sobriety of sorts.
In other news i'm looking into the omnipod. Till then i'm at mercy to my lack of strong will around yummy foods. But i really don't want to over do my insulin, i'm not looking forward to the lows. Detox is fine, Intox whatever, low i don't think so.
No more gummy worms
No more choco chip cookies
What to dream of now?

Sunday, March 21, 2010

goals goals goals

Goals goals goals, everybody sets them and tries to knock them down. Well being a procrastinator by nature and only having a bed in my effieceny apartment to sit/lay/eat/sleep on...i find goals troublesome. I start projects and never finish them, which is probably why laundry never gets where its supposed to. But i guess you have to start somewhere.... but i've been hiding from my diabetes for so long... i can go around in circles of excuses. BUT that's why this site is nice... you can't use any excuses here.... I don't feel good, I don't like injections,i hate counting carbs, blah blah blah. I guess it helps to open up but when you do people expect things from you! GASP, believe me i know because everybody around me assumes i know what i'm doing, and i like that, because then they don't look twice when i eat something i shouldn't, there minds are to busy to see what i hide or eat. You can't forget there looks of disappointment, but they fade when the subject changes.... Even my doc can't really help me unless i help myself.
WHY WHY WHY don't these precious diabetics do what there suppose to? Are we stupid? Un compliant? Are we insane (hey sometimes i feel crazy). Am i still mourning my past life, i think i'll always mourn that life.... Am i angry,guility, scared? YES. If i had to explain it i would put it this way "i don't like how i feel when i don't act diabetic, and i don't like how i feel when i do." I always figured you had to emotionally handle diabetes before you could be diabetic, but we can't just take a pause from life to do that. Life just isn't fair like that, so we have to struggle and balance a million things at once: emotions, checking sugars, bad days, weird days, bad sugars and of course the only explantion for bad sugars can be dechipered through how we deal with LIFE. I wish diabetes was as simple as taking a pill and a shot and i'm all good. But no it takes so much more work then that, nobody can understand, and the few around us that do never really see how much we think about it. CONSTANT reminders during our rush through life, hold us back because we just can't be sponatenous anymore. Everything has to be planned, or at least thrown together to make sure its plan (thats me). Its not fun disease that's for sure, but since none of us really wanna die...i guess we gotta do what we gotta do, just how do i make myself do what i gotta do?
Well the one goal i do have before thursday is to cook a meal... not sure what to cook yet, i feel like i have another million things i gotta do before i even do that... I hate baby steps (hahah what about bob) so i don't know... guess start thinking less and start doing more.
My list of goals for the week
1. go grocery shopping and pick out stuff for recipe
2. hahaha find recipe of something i wanna cook
3. clean house, zzzzzzz
4. sort through stuff and start packing the stuff that goes to good will
5.try not to oversleep
6. doc on monday, ask for referal to diabetes educators
7. get my free offer of kwik humalog pins
8.try to stop eating out...yeah right!!
9. Take insulin
10. Check and document sugars.