Thursday, September 30, 2010

high sugars don't win the race

Dear Diabetes,
I would like to tell you on behalf of everybody that you SUCK
Maybe i'm just feeling a really good normal number, finally at last, but i realize you suck and that you've had a hold on me for far to long now. Don't get me wrong i still don't know how i am going to function from day to day but i'm kissing good bye high blood sugars! My doc told me that you have been fogging my mind for far to long now, and i just realized i'm no different then a addict who needs their fix. In my case the fix is food, and i see now how all that food has clouded my judgment to make good choices. You know we compare diabetes to a lot of things, like a roller coaster, like driving a car, but i would like to compare it to a BLACK HOLE. Once you fall into that bottomless pit it is almost impossible to get out! Out of control diabetes stupid black hole sucks everything out of you, your strength, confidence, and your true being. Here i've been trying to make everything work at once without realizing that everything, while having bad blood sugars, slips me deeper into the blackness. I thought everything would fall into place when i started working, you know having a schedule but no it made things worse. I couldn't even properly work that's how bad it was, i had to quit and take a time out for me. My friend put it best this way "you don't run a race with a broken leg do you." And she is right there is no way i can do anything if i don't have this taken care of, i've been sick and tired of being sick and tired but i didn't know diabetes could affect my work ethic to!! I can't stand for that, i gotta know i can take care of myself in case of a crisis (money wise, or whatever). Also it doesn't help that my doc told me that she could report me and get my license taken away....yeah i kind of need my car! It's my life line!! So am i completely 100 percent turned around good diabetic now? no.... But i'm starting to make habit of everything.... and i hoping that by having good blood sugars my brain can finally adapt to a pattern of blood sugar checking, which could lead to watching what i eat and how much i exercise. Maybe one day i'll have good sugars all day with no lows or highs and maybe even let myself have a burger or something sweet without over eating or suffering from high blood sugars (moderation that is). I don't know!! Diabetic future is looking a little bit brighter, now if only i could fix my insomnia!
happy readings!

Sunday, September 26, 2010

cure all

why are you hurting your self
why aren't you taking care of your self
why is it that you don't do what your supposed to
Instead i want to ask them
what makes you think i care
what gave you the impression that i want to live
what makes life worth it all
in astonishment they stare
mind not wrapping around my pain
the eyes ask why
while their jaw line tightens to a frown
i fight back tears and try to look away
but like eyes in a painting
they follow me
staring back at me
i see myself instead
and i stare back in awe

without self love then
nothing is right in the world
could be the cure all?

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

stem cell poetry

We are all born into the light to fight for our place in this world
darwin's theory seems to be right
but this is a new day age
where genetics no longer determines life
where the people have a chance to live
longer and better lives
why let the body waste this precious gift
isn;t it our moral duty to help the helpless?
endless possibilities await inside us all
let the stem cells fulfill their destiny
let us help others the best we can
it's our duty to man kind to fight
to survive as one through it all
why let us struggle and live half a life
when we could be whole again?
survival of fittest is old age thinking
together in the light of knowledge and science we can thrive
stem cells allowing us to fight for our place in the light,
old theories become buried as life reawakens