Monday, July 26, 2010

diabetes tattoo poem

My diabetes tattoo
is really not between you or me
its etched on my skin
i know because i felt every little sting
very similar to another thing i know
little pricking needles
pain like a cat scratch
so they say
but i am no medal holding winner
so why did i even bother stamping myself

yes i want the world to know
That when i show up to a place, all quiet and shy
you will see the tag and know automatically what to do
Please i prefer gummie bears to glucose tablets


Why would i be embarrassed about being diabetic anyway?
Yes i may hate it, but don't you dare say anything mean to it
Diabetes is a lot like me, out of control, fickle, moody and funny
Sometimes its like a angst teen
it hates the world, all people in it, and itself
has no problem with destruction, while it wills a bliss full state.
Branded by this life, goth decor and lonely poetry
My outside reflects my inside now in bright black lines

Do i want sympathy? Only for a second
Roll your eyes if you must, this is my deal not yours
My body, my rules, don't roll your eyes at me
My Dead pancreas expresses its sorrow through my ink
The tiny vibrating tattoo machine draws my strength
i don't need your bleeding heart, i'm just fine

It's to late now, what's done is done
I'm not a winner, I'm not a whiner, nor do i brag
My ink shows a side of myself that i like to consider
both morbid, comical, and freeing.
Free to laugh, free to connect over spilled blood,
and free to fight for normal life

I went through the pain, scabbed up and flaked
What cure? i say, insulin is the game, can't you see it in my skin?
It's like i told the tattoo guy when i asked him to draw a sweet in the design...
"would you seriously deny me cupcakes"
he shakes his head at me, but smiles anyway
kudos to me for the best tattoo idea of the day

(no i won't be showing my tattoo, for personal reasons)

Sunday, July 25, 2010

glass half empty

D is for denial or diabetes

E echos of sadness

P paralyzed in fear

R road blocks

E enveloping dispair

S sleep and lots of it

S sudden loss of energy

I irritability

O over eating

S such is life, aka glass is half empty mentality.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

friends observation

I love the show FRIENDS, i especially like this episode when Ross loses his temper due to all the stress, to the point where the only good thing happening in his life is this delicious thanksgiving turkey gravey moist sandwich. One day he goes to work and somebody eats his sandwich but he doesn't know who, so the next time he brings his lunch he notices it's missing again!! And when he finds out who he loses it!

I guess i can relate because sometimes its the small things in your life, be it a sandwich, that can help make the day see a little bit brighter. For me that could be immersing my self in a good tv show, relaxing on the couch, or even eating this delicious tres leches cake that just makes me feel at home (thats why i'm trying to find a healthier recipe).

check out the clip on youtube:

Tuesday, July 13, 2010


the only thing i want people to realize is hard or a struggle is that i some how have to find a way to start and complete three goals at once, exercise, taking insulin, and eating right. Sometimes exercise and what i eat changes the insulin, which in turn can make me go high or low. Sometimes i don't have the energy to exercise because of the insulin or because i didn't get my carbs right, sometimes i can't eat right because i don't have money or the patience to try new foods or even cook, which in turn affects my sugar and energy to exercise. It's like the snake eating itself sometimes, finding balance is hard so don't blame me for wanting to eat something out of the ordinary, exercise while high, or even ignore checking my sugars when all i want is a day without having to do so much upkeep on myself. Part of me just wants a life outside of being diabetic, and even though ignorance is bliss, you have to admit rome wasn't built in a day. (can't forget depression, sometimes depression makes me want to nothing at all but hide underneath the covers, it's actually kinda hard to snap yourself out of that kind of mood sometimes)

Sunday, July 4, 2010

domo going on new place

1. I moved to a new state, near the ocean. I have yet to hang out at the ocean, i think i just like to live near the ocean...not necessarily be in it. Plus i hate swimsuits, fluffy people shouldn't wear bikinis i think.

2. Things i dream about: being back in highschool, failing all my classes but not caring, and my brakes not working. I personally don't care for dreams, i just like the sleep portion of it all. Best dream i can remember is helping buffy the vampire slayer scoobies or when i went on a shopping spree and had toooonnss of money but alas woke up to nada.

3. New place, should warrant a new me right? Nah, i think my husband was right, every place is the same. Not really a bad thing, but the loner i have become just doesn't shake with age, despite my openness to meeting new people. And like i told my friends before i moved, "i'm still going to have diabetes where i move aren't I" (reference to all the hope and energy i put in to moving, don't get me wrong i like it here i'm just adjusting slowly and even more so alone then i have been in years, with no family or friends present, and my husband deploying ain't so great either)

4. Home may be where the heart is, in that case a little piece of it is in okinawa and now even ohio. But most of all home is really home wherever and whenever my husband is.

5. I don't understand why my apartment doesn't have a air conditioner, how else can i watch my fave shows in luxury coolness? I happen to love Prison Break, Lost, Law Order SVU, friends, how i met your mother, fear itself, veronica mars,and BTVS and ANGEL

6. My two teacup chihuahuas are little terrors, they are the only terrors i plan on having in my life. They are so cute though, especially when they greet me at the door or when they try to use their little legs to jump on the tall couch.

7. Eating- i am not eating good food right now, it seems whenever my hubby is around i can't help but eat fast food. We have tried cooking on our foreman grill (which is a big leap, from not cooking meat at all). I went on a garlic bread kick for a while, i love it so much. Basically i'm trying to just remember to take my medicine with the food i eat, yes i know you can gain weight, but it's better than not taking my medicine at all right?

8. Exercise- i love turbokick, turbojam, i WANT turbo fire. I did a turbo kick class last weekend, i worked out so hard (did two turbos in a row e.g. two two minutes of high intensity after working out for half hour), but then i ended up sleeping the whole weekend and being so sore that i ached when i reached out for stuff.

9. Medicine - i'm notrious for self medicating myself with insulin. People ask why would stop taking your medicine, well my depression is creeping back in (new place, new worries, new bills!!) and really diabetes is the last thing i want to worry about. For example this week we calculated our bills all wrong and have zero money for food or gas (thanks to mom for helping out till next pay day). I'm surprised my anxiety didn't kick in (i must be doing better since taking antidepressants, and having my hubby around, and taking some insulin because i remember one time i got a 500 dollar er bill and cried for an hour). Anyway, bad diabetes usually leads to bad infections and not so nice stuff. As much as i hate restarting my diabetes regimen, because i tend to oversleep which depresses me more and leads to overeating plus going from high sugars to even 200 makes me tired as heck, it did stop some of the infections and i'm trying my best to fix my sleep.

10. I don't want to work, but i'm going to have to start, i need something to keep me on schedule. I wish i could work at legoland and just build lego structures all day. Which reminds me, i really want to buy lego harry potter...

Little about me for the noobs: type 1 for three years now (happy diabetes anniversary to me, that strawberry cheesecake was delicious), i am currently using the omni pod which i do love but i hate to sleep on. I not your typical diabetic, heck i was making jokes about having one foot in the grave months after diagnoses (as waitress, i they always got a kick out of that i guess), I believe i am the kind of person that makes great first impressions but then when you get to know me i tend to make horrible second impressions. I am in no way shape or form the perfect diabetic, my gravestone will say "died from sugar." I tell people when i'm low please give me a mountain dew, ha! though i cannot condone eating so unhealthy (it's like i ever went to the store bought every reese peanut butter candy bar and sent them to my husband, ha i do support candy for troops), i do think having a treat once in while, or planning for sweets, or finding new alternatives to sweets (remainder to get recipes from gerri :). I judge not, and i prefer the term fluffy (points if you can guess what comedian that is). If you need a shoulder to cry on please add me as a friend, we can talk it over with some sugar free jello.