Thursday, September 30, 2010

high sugars don't win the race

Dear Diabetes,
I would like to tell you on behalf of everybody that you SUCK
Maybe i'm just feeling a really good normal number, finally at last, but i realize you suck and that you've had a hold on me for far to long now. Don't get me wrong i still don't know how i am going to function from day to day but i'm kissing good bye high blood sugars! My doc told me that you have been fogging my mind for far to long now, and i just realized i'm no different then a addict who needs their fix. In my case the fix is food, and i see now how all that food has clouded my judgment to make good choices. You know we compare diabetes to a lot of things, like a roller coaster, like driving a car, but i would like to compare it to a BLACK HOLE. Once you fall into that bottomless pit it is almost impossible to get out! Out of control diabetes stupid black hole sucks everything out of you, your strength, confidence, and your true being. Here i've been trying to make everything work at once without realizing that everything, while having bad blood sugars, slips me deeper into the blackness. I thought everything would fall into place when i started working, you know having a schedule but no it made things worse. I couldn't even properly work that's how bad it was, i had to quit and take a time out for me. My friend put it best this way "you don't run a race with a broken leg do you." And she is right there is no way i can do anything if i don't have this taken care of, i've been sick and tired of being sick and tired but i didn't know diabetes could affect my work ethic to!! I can't stand for that, i gotta know i can take care of myself in case of a crisis (money wise, or whatever). Also it doesn't help that my doc told me that she could report me and get my license taken away....yeah i kind of need my car! It's my life line!! So am i completely 100 percent turned around good diabetic now? no.... But i'm starting to make habit of everything.... and i hoping that by having good blood sugars my brain can finally adapt to a pattern of blood sugar checking, which could lead to watching what i eat and how much i exercise. Maybe one day i'll have good sugars all day with no lows or highs and maybe even let myself have a burger or something sweet without over eating or suffering from high blood sugars (moderation that is). I don't know!! Diabetic future is looking a little bit brighter, now if only i could fix my insomnia!
happy readings!

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