domo going on new place

1. I moved to a new state, near the ocean. I have yet to hang out at the ocean, i think i just like to live near the ocean...not necessarily be in it. Plus i hate swimsuits, fluffy people shouldn't wear bikinis i think.

2. Things i dream about: being back in highschool, failing all my classes but not caring, and my brakes not working. I personally don't care for dreams, i just like the sleep portion of it all. Best dream i can remember is helping buffy the vampire slayer scoobies or when i went on a shopping spree and had toooonnss of money but alas woke up to nada.

3. New place, should warrant a new me right? Nah, i think my husband was right, every place is the same. Not really a bad thing, but the loner i have become just doesn't shake with age, despite my openness to meeting new people. And like i told my friends before i moved, "i'm still going to have diabetes where i move aren't I" (reference to all the hope and energy i put in to moving, don't get me wrong i like it here i'm just adjusting slowly and even more so alone then i have been in years, with no family or friends present, and my husband deploying ain't so great either)

4. Home may be where the heart is, in that case a little piece of it is in okinawa and now even ohio. But most of all home is really home wherever and whenever my husband is.

5. I don't understand why my apartment doesn't have a air conditioner, how else can i watch my fave shows in luxury coolness? I happen to love Prison Break, Lost, Law Order SVU, friends, how i met your mother, fear itself, veronica mars,and BTVS and ANGEL

6. My two teacup chihuahuas are little terrors, they are the only terrors i plan on having in my life. They are so cute though, especially when they greet me at the door or when they try to use their little legs to jump on the tall couch.

7. Eating- i am not eating good food right now, it seems whenever my hubby is around i can't help but eat fast food. We have tried cooking on our foreman grill (which is a big leap, from not cooking meat at all). I went on a garlic bread kick for a while, i love it so much. Basically i'm trying to just remember to take my medicine with the food i eat, yes i know you can gain weight, but it's better than not taking my medicine at all right?

8. Exercise- i love turbokick, turbojam, i WANT turbo fire. I did a turbo kick class last weekend, i worked out so hard (did two turbos in a row e.g. two two minutes of high intensity after working out for half hour), but then i ended up sleeping the whole weekend and being so sore that i ached when i reached out for stuff.

9. Medicine - i'm notrious for self medicating myself with insulin. People ask why would stop taking your medicine, well my depression is creeping back in (new place, new worries, new bills!!) and really diabetes is the last thing i want to worry about. For example this week we calculated our bills all wrong and have zero money for food or gas (thanks to mom for helping out till next pay day). I'm surprised my anxiety didn't kick in (i must be doing better since taking antidepressants, and having my hubby around, and taking some insulin because i remember one time i got a 500 dollar er bill and cried for an hour). Anyway, bad diabetes usually leads to bad infections and not so nice stuff. As much as i hate restarting my diabetes regimen, because i tend to oversleep which depresses me more and leads to overeating plus going from high sugars to even 200 makes me tired as heck, it did stop some of the infections and i'm trying my best to fix my sleep.

10. I don't want to work, but i'm going to have to start, i need something to keep me on schedule. I wish i could work at legoland and just build lego structures all day. Which reminds me, i really want to buy lego harry potter...

Little about me for the noobs: type 1 for three years now (happy diabetes anniversary to me, that strawberry cheesecake was delicious), i am currently using the omni pod which i do love but i hate to sleep on. I not your typical diabetic, heck i was making jokes about having one foot in the grave months after diagnoses (as waitress, i they always got a kick out of that i guess), I believe i am the kind of person that makes great first impressions but then when you get to know me i tend to make horrible second impressions. I am in no way shape or form the perfect diabetic, my gravestone will say "died from sugar." I tell people when i'm low please give me a mountain dew, ha! though i cannot condone eating so unhealthy (it's like i ever went to the store bought every reese peanut butter candy bar and sent them to my husband, ha i do support candy for troops), i do think having a treat once in while, or planning for sweets, or finding new alternatives to sweets (remainder to get recipes from gerri :). I judge not, and i prefer the term fluffy (points if you can guess what comedian that is). If you need a shoulder to cry on please add me as a friend, we can talk it over with some sugar free jello.

blah blah blah

I think some people confuse whine with struggle, or loneliness, or cry for help...

My aunt told me that complained to much about diabetes, once she said that I didn't say a word, which meant alot of the times when i was around here i never let her know how i was really doing.It hurt my feelings that she said that, when i thought she was the one person i could talk to.

I don't blame people for whining, i don't blame people for bolusing for super high carb meals, or skipping insulin, or pretending for one day that what you do doesn't affect your health, i don't blame them for being scared of eating candy or going out to eat or talking to other people about diabetes. I don't blame people for not caring. the reason i don't blame them is because we all go through the denial, guilt, anger that is associated with this disease. The thing they don't tell you is you never truly over come all those emotions, because once you got the handle on one thing life will throw you another curve ball.


I would like to thank Tudiabetes, for being a place for diabetics to speak out , and a place where you never feel alone in the disease. Because if it wasn't for this place, i would probably be in my own deep dark hole, letting the loneliness get to me. This site has made me laugh, sigh, cry, appreciate, educated, and has let me become more aware of my diabetic surroundings (from new gadgets, techniques, and good friends with great advice).

So forgive me if i whine,gripe, grouse,
grumble,
moan, plaintive
cry,
sob, wail,bellyache,
carp,
drone, fuss, gripe,
grouse,
grumble,
howl, kick, mewl,
moan,
murmur,
pule,
repine,
snivel,
sob,
wail,
whimper,
yowl,
accuse,
ascribe,
attack,
beef,
bellyache,
bemoan,
bewail,
bit**, carp,
cavil,
charge,
contravene, criticize, defy, demur, denounce, deplore,
deprecate, differ,
disagree, disapprove, dissent,
expostulate,
find
fault,
fret, fuss,
gainsay,
grieve,
gripe,
groan, grouse,
growl, grumble,
impute,
indict,
kick
up
a
fuss,
lament,
lay, look
askance,
make
a
fuss,
moan,
nag, object,
oppose,
protest,
refute,
remonstrate,
repine,
reproach, snivel,
sound
off,
take
exception
to,
wail,
whimper,yammer about diabetes.

No one said you had to listen :D, but to those that do i promise to hear you out to.
We are not in this fight alone, i think tudiabetes is a safe haven for us all.

domo podder

I started the pump... so far really really cool.

Top ten "what the heck is that" answers when people see the omni pod

1. super new nicotine patch for hard core addicts

2.attached to you mp3 player haha ipod

3.calorie counter or step counter

4.(with sticker on) new tattoo

5. new style of piercing lol

6.white "bump" or overgrowth

7.(pdm) new cell or personal pc

8.(clicking noise) what else, a bomb

9.dog chew toy (the puggle chewed on it through my shirt!)

10. the solution to diabetes or what my trainer said "what she had been waiting for after ten years of doing mdi"

why you should spring clean

I'm making up ten reasons that most will think of :)
1. Have a yard sale!!! (me? to lazy)
2. Donate to good will (me? i will be doing this)
3. Get rid of junk and stuff you don't use anymore in other words if it hiding underneath your bed, you haven't seen it for years/months, get rid of it (me? so far so good)
4.Make room for new stuff!! If you get rid of stuff the next time you want to impulse buy, then you can you have room(me? how i make myself feel better)
5. Less Junk makes you feel like you have more room (me? i can see my floor!)
6. Take stuff to consignment shop/thrift store for mola (me? might check it out)
7. Open windows up and let the sun shine where it hasn't been for a while (me? plan on it)
8. You probably need a new toothbrush and as well as cleaning supplies, so stock up (me? check)
9.Condense stuff when you get rid of stuff, like get rid of dvd boxes and put them in a case (me?check)
10. THE BEST REASON TO SPRING CLEAN, you may find MONEY!!!!!! I found 20 bucks from my grandma from god knows how long ago!! I just got 20 richer :D, i'm going out tonite! LOL

Happy Domo Day to All

WHY have a happy domo day??? Because today is my birthday!!! YYAYAYAYY and NAYYYY
Even though it's my birthday, i actually don't normally celebrate it...unless telling everybody it's my birthday counts..... :D:D:D:D:D I never expect anything and does make me think oh no...another year gone by what do i have to show... Well if there is one thing i will be happy about it will hopefully be that i will be pumping soon. I'm wearing the omnipod demo pod right now!!! I went to a seminar a day ago. I Learned alot stuff i already knew, thanks to omnipod user group, and here's what i can remember off the top of my head that i like
1. TUBELESS, no brainer right there
2. SMALL, getting smaller
3. INNOVATIVE, neato all in meter/pda (now if only it could play mp3s...)
4. CONTROL, i can finally stop being afraid of exercise!
oh yeah and lot stuff about atheletes and such being able to use it, i saw the video!
Things i might not like.... meter/pda is kinda bulky... i keep on knocking into things... i am not going to like this on my stomache at all...getting used to pump talk :P
but overall what's most important is that it's covered by my insurance, a women in there with her fam asked why the seminar isn't full well DUH not everybody can get this covered or knows about it. I guess Ohio is one of the last few.... plus it looks like a mutant egg hatched on my skin and is claiming my body to breed on... anybody ever watch Buffy the vampire slayer? This is why i would never will watch a egg in school (i'd hard boil it anyway) (anybody get this reference and can name the episode will be considered totally awesome in my book)
Of course you know they have to be paying Jonas brother underneath the table...
BUT i still have to wait for my docs approval... yikes. So hopefully they call me tomorrow when they see that omnipod faxed them the papers... maybe it's wishful thinking but i hope he just signs it (we briefly talked about it in the past couple times).
I wish everybody lots of forbidden cakes and cookies on my birthday, though i will not be splurging to much (trying to keep my a1c slim)... I would kill for a coke zero. :D

detox isn't the right word

Well I saw my doc today, he removed the tini tiny stitch from my tini tiny pinkie toe. My poor toe is fine thank you, i never even cashed in the vacatin (ha drug joke there). As i was sitting there my doc did his weird "check up," you know where they make you touch your fingers to your thumbs or press on your stomach or make you say ah! He asked me the usual questions: do yousmokedrinktroublebreathingasthmablurryvisionheartdisease in family yada yada yada. I said no.. well my vision has been blurry... My sister with glasses can see farther away then me...
Then the doc told me my A1C.... i already knew it was bad~ he dropped the number 12, i look up smile and say "wow i went up a whole point." In this world having more is a good thing, but when it comes to A1C nobody throws you party unless your under 7. (what's seven like again, god i don't remember). Now the doc put me on antidepressants, there working wonderful , but i wonder where my high sugar related bad mood begins and my normal bad mood ends. So i'm feeling pretty good, maybe not my full self, but that part will never come back because my pancreas decided to retire early in life.
When i walk into the office i told my doc "i think i'm ready for the jump" he did a double take and asked me what i meant. I meant the diabetic jump, or as drug addict would put it "jump to sobriety." Ex. my sobriety is to get back on drugs (well hormone). Does nobody know my diabetic humor by now? I guess telling everybody i got my toe chopped off wasn't funny then...well it was funny to me (don't worry i told them straight away my toe was fine).
Before i left i explained to my doc that i was hesitate on starting mainly because you feel crappy (insert other word) at normal for a while. Then he tells me to start out slowly and work my way up.... DOH! Why didn't i think of that all on my own??? As bad as i have been this whole time, my real trouble was not accepcting diabetes it was getting a jump start on it without feeling like a zombie (but alas i do love zombies). So i'm trying a low dosage of humalog until i work my way back to feeling okay at the normal range of blood sugarsl. But i can't escape the feeling of losing my mind as i sit at 172...I feel like i'm detoxing from a drug, finding my state of normalancy or sobriety of sorts.
In other news i'm looking into the omnipod. Till then i'm at mercy to my lack of strong will around yummy foods. But i really don't want to over do my insulin, i'm not looking forward to the lows. Detox is fine, Intox whatever, low i don't think so.
No more gummy worms
No more choco chip cookies
What to dream of now?

goals goals goals

Goals goals goals, everybody sets them and tries to knock them down. Well being a procrastinator by nature and only having a bed in my effieceny apartment to sit/lay/eat/sleep on...i find goals troublesome. I start projects and never finish them, which is probably why laundry never gets where its supposed to. But i guess you have to start somewhere.... but i've been hiding from my diabetes for so long... i can go around in circles of excuses. BUT that's why this site is nice... you can't use any excuses here.... I don't feel good, I don't like injections,i hate counting carbs, blah blah blah. I guess it helps to open up but when you do people expect things from you! GASP, believe me i know because everybody around me assumes i know what i'm doing, and i like that, because then they don't look twice when i eat something i shouldn't, there minds are to busy to see what i hide or eat. You can't forget there looks of disappointment, but they fade when the subject changes.... Even my doc can't really help me unless i help myself.
WHY WHY WHY don't these precious diabetics do what there suppose to? Are we stupid? Un compliant? Are we insane (hey sometimes i feel crazy). Am i still mourning my past life, i think i'll always mourn that life.... Am i angry,guility, scared? YES. If i had to explain it i would put it this way "i don't like how i feel when i don't act diabetic, and i don't like how i feel when i do." I always figured you had to emotionally handle diabetes before you could be diabetic, but we can't just take a pause from life to do that. Life just isn't fair like that, so we have to struggle and balance a million things at once: emotions, checking sugars, bad days, weird days, bad sugars and of course the only explantion for bad sugars can be dechipered through how we deal with LIFE. I wish diabetes was as simple as taking a pill and a shot and i'm all good. But no it takes so much more work then that, nobody can understand, and the few around us that do never really see how much we think about it. CONSTANT reminders during our rush through life, hold us back because we just can't be sponatenous anymore. Everything has to be planned, or at least thrown together to make sure its plan (thats me). Its not fun disease that's for sure, but since none of us really wanna die...i guess we gotta do what we gotta do, just how do i make myself do what i gotta do?
Well the one goal i do have before thursday is to cook a meal... not sure what to cook yet, i feel like i have another million things i gotta do before i even do that... I hate baby steps (hahah what about bob) so i don't know... guess start thinking less and start doing more.
My list of goals for the week
1. go grocery shopping and pick out stuff for recipe
2. hahaha find recipe of something i wanna cook
3. clean house, zzzzzzz
4. sort through stuff and start packing the stuff that goes to good will
5.try not to oversleep
6. doc on monday, ask for referal to diabetes educators
7. get my free offer of kwik humalog pins
8.try to stop eating out...yeah right!!
9. Take insulin
10. Check and document sugars.