Goals goals goals, everybody sets them and tries to knock them down. Well being a procrastinator by nature and only having a bed in my effieceny apartment to sit/lay/eat/sleep on...i find goals troublesome. I start projects and never finish them, which is probably why laundry never gets where its supposed to. But i guess you have to start somewhere.... but i've been hiding from my diabetes for so long... i can go around in circles of excuses. BUT that's why this site is nice... you can't use any excuses here.... I don't feel good, I don't like injections,i hate counting carbs, blah blah blah. I guess it helps to open up but when you do people expect things from you! GASP, believe me i know because everybody around me assumes i know what i'm doing, and i like that, because then they don't look twice when i eat something i shouldn't, there minds are to busy to see what i hide or eat. You can't forget there looks of disappointment, but they fade when the subject changes.... Even my doc can't really help me unless i help myself.
WHY WHY WHY don't these precious diabetics do what there suppose to? Are we stupid? Un compliant? Are we insane (hey sometimes i feel crazy). Am i still mourning my past life, i think i'll always mourn that life.... Am i angry,guility, scared? YES. If i had to explain it i would put it this way "i don't like how i feel when i don't act diabetic, and i don't like how i feel when i do." I always figured you had to emotionally handle diabetes before you could be diabetic, but we can't just take a pause from life to do that. Life just isn't fair like that, so we have to struggle and balance a million things at once: emotions, checking sugars, bad days, weird days, bad sugars and of course the only explantion for bad sugars can be dechipered through how we deal with LIFE. I wish diabetes was as simple as taking a pill and a shot and i'm all good. But no it takes so much more work then that, nobody can understand, and the few around us that do never really see how much we think about it. CONSTANT reminders during our rush through life, hold us back because we just can't be sponatenous anymore. Everything has to be planned, or at least thrown together to make sure its plan (thats me). Its not fun disease that's for sure, but since none of us really wanna die...i guess we gotta do what we gotta do, just how do i make myself do what i gotta do?
Well the one goal i do have before thursday is to cook a meal... not sure what to cook yet, i feel like i have another million things i gotta do before i even do that... I hate baby steps (hahah what about bob) so i don't know... guess start thinking less and start doing more.
My list of goals for the week
1. go grocery shopping and pick out stuff for recipe
2. hahaha find recipe of something i wanna cook
3. clean house, zzzzzzz
4. sort through stuff and start packing the stuff that goes to good will
5.try not to oversleep
6. doc on monday, ask for referal to diabetes educators
7. get my free offer of kwik humalog pins
8.try to stop eating out...yeah right!!
9. Take insulin
10. Check and document sugars.